we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
