that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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