He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
