I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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