You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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