Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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