just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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