Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
