I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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