The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
