I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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