I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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