is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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