Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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