I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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