I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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