i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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