it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
