I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
