I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
