My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
