I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
