Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
