Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
