If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
