Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Randomize
