I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
