Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
this is an emotional support booty call
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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