her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
