after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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