How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
