i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
