so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
