gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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