I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
