I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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