I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
