the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
