it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
