I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
