i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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