i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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