I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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