Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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