Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
