I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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