She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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