we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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