i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
