Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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