a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
