I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
