Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
