Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
