I hate your face
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
