well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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