Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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