my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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