swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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